How to find what is on in London this week, how to filter it down to the things worth going to, and why going with one other person changes the whole evening.
There is more on in London this week than you could attend in a year, and that is precisely why most people end up doing nothing. The failure is not a shortage of things. It is that the list is too long to act on, so it never gets cut down to a decision, and Saturday arrives undecided.
01Where what is on actually surfaces
No single source has everything, and the ones that try are the least useful, because they are optimised for volume. Four kinds of source between them cover most of it.
The places themselves. Venues, galleries, libraries, theatres, pubs and community halls announce their own programmes before any aggregator picks them up, usually on a mailing list or a physical noticeboard. Sign up to three or four for places you would actually walk to.
Your local authority and library. Councils and libraries run and publish a large amount of free programming that never appears anywhere commercial. It is unglamorous and it is close to you, which matters more.
Local groups where residents post. Local area forums and resident groups surface the things with no marketing budget, which are often the ones worth attending.
People who go to things. There is usually one person in any group who knows what is on. The productive move is to ask them what they are doing this week rather than to ask them for recommendations in general.
02Three filters that cut the list down
Can you get there in half an hour? Distance decides attendance more than interest does. A moderately good thing twenty minutes away will be attended. An excellent thing an hour away will be considered and then not attended, particularly in winter.
Does it happen again? A one-off is an evening out. Something recurring is where you might meet people, because the same faces come back. Both are legitimate, but if you are trying to know more people, weight heavily towards the recurring.
What does it actually cost, all in? Not the ticket, the ticket plus travel plus the drinks plus the meal you will end up buying. A social life built on a full evening's spend collapses within about two months. Many of the best things in London cost nothing, and free events also make it far easier to invite someone.
03Why going with one other person changes it
The difference between attending an event and having an evening is almost always one other person. It is not about nerves. It is mechanical.
Alone, an event ends when the event ends. With someone, there is a walk to the station, and a conversation about what you both just saw, and quite often a drink that was not planned, and all of that is where the actual relationship gets built. The event turns out to be scaffolding for the hour after it.
One other person also fixes the failure mode of the whole exercise, which is that you found a good thing and then did not go. It is easy to talk yourself out of a plan you made with yourself. It is much harder when somebody is expecting you at seven.
Invite people to specific things rather than in general. Asking whether someone is free sometime almost never produces an evening. Sending a link with a date, a time and a place produces an answer either way, and either answer is useful.
04A workable weekly habit
Fifteen minutes, same time every week, ideally Sunday evening. Open your three or four sources, pick two things, put them in the calendar with a time, and send one message inviting somebody to one of them. That is the entire system.
The reason to make it a fixed weekly slot rather than a continuous scroll is that continuous browsing produces a permanent sense that there is something better on somewhere else, which is the exact state in which people decide nothing and go nowhere. A weekly cut-off forces a choice out of the list.
05When nothing appeals
If you have looked and nothing on the list is interesting, the answer is usually not more searching. It is to go to a repeating thing you already know is fine and go again, because the fourth visit to a mediocre thing where people now recognise you is worth more than a first visit to an excellent one where nobody does.
Related Questions
Where do I find out what is on in London this week?
Use three or four sources rather than one aggregator: mailing lists and noticeboards from venues you would actually walk to, your local authority and library listings, local resident groups where things without a marketing budget get posted, and the one person you know who goes to things. Ask them what they are doing this week rather than for general recommendations.
How do I choose what is worth going to?
Three filters. Can you get there in half an hour, since distance decides attendance more than interest does. Does it happen again, because recurring things are where you meet people. And what does it cost all in, including travel and drinks, since a social life built on a full evening's spend collapses within a couple of months.
Is it better to go to events alone or with someone?
With one other person, for mechanical reasons. Alone, the evening ends when the event ends. With someone there is the walk to the station and the conversation afterwards, which is where the relationship is actually built. It also removes the main failure mode, which is finding a good thing and then not going.
How do I stop scrolling listings and actually go to something?
Set a fixed fifteen minute slot once a week, ideally Sunday evening. Check your sources, pick two things, put them in the calendar with a time, and message one person about one of them. Continuous browsing produces a permanent sense that something better is on elsewhere, which is the state in which people decide nothing.
KF.Social
